Tonight my wife and I were cleaning out the room we call our music room. It houses all of my instruments such as drums, bass, two acoustice guitars, and electric guitar. We found a box that my parents had found at there house a few years after I moved out. In the box I found a journal with my name on it along with a bunch of other drawings and chicken scratch. This is the exerpt from my journal...
4-24-1996
Dear Journal,
Today after my school work was done I went back to where the horses were (we had horse behind our house). I brushed them and fed them even though they are not my horses. I like them, they are nice to pet and they listen to you when no one else will. Then tonight just before I went to bed Joel (my brother) came into my room and farted right on my pillow. It was the most awful smell I have ever smelled in my life. Then he did it again. So I got Rachel's (my sister) body spray and sprayed it in my room. It smelled up the entire house. Rachel went down stairs and told my dad that I sprayed the spray. So Joel and I got in trouble. Then we had to air out the upstairs. I must go now.
Yours, Aaron
P.s. I can still smell the stench!
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Breaking Free
So it is official, I am a daddy. I never thought that I would actually like the name “daddy” but it sticks pretty well. The birth of Marcus was amazing and frightening at the same time. Amazing because the sight of a new life coming into the world is amazing, but frightening because for the first I realized as I held this little life in my hands that I have to take care of this new being. There is no turning back, no opting out, all there is to now is go forward.
Like so many fathers before me I desperately want to be a great father, but the odds seem so stacked against this notion. There are so many things that are fighting for the attention of men these days. Work, education, church, TV., hanging out with friends, it all competes for time and affections. What about what truly matters?
Take heart men, we are the warriors of our families. We are the one that MUST stand firm in the fry. We need to step into the battle with our swords held high and our guns blazing for we must fight for our families hearts. God put us in charge of this group of people we know as our families. We are the warriors.
However, Men we need to WAKE UP! To often our wives pick up our battle gear and race onto the field for us simply because we would rather sit in our proverbial easy chairs and watch the world flash by on the TV screen. We have to be the leaders of our families not the ones sitting on the sidelines.
God created us will a flame in our hearts for adventure, and bravery, but we have traded in that adventure for someone else's adventure. I can tell you that I have found myself more than once acting as if I am the bravest hunter in the world, or the avid camper that withstand anything, but the truth is I am a shell of a man when it comes to those things. I like to hunt and camp, but I'm not an expert, I am still not crazy about gutting a deer.
I talk other men as if I know what they are talking about as they talk about cars and shooting a ten point buck when in reality I could care less if a guy just drove by in a souped up 57 Chevy.
I want you to know that what I am writing is more to me than any other person who might happen to read this. I need this little speech I am giving more than most of the men I know.
So how can we as men get past this outer shell and let people see who we really are? We have to be honest with ourselves and realize that we can be who we are, we don't need to be someone else. I have been trying to be someone else my whole life and it just isn't worth it. I tend to find someone I look up to and try to do things the way I think they would do it. This only thickens the sell of who I am.
Stand with me and together we can crack the shell that is keeping us from the life that God wants for us.
Like so many fathers before me I desperately want to be a great father, but the odds seem so stacked against this notion. There are so many things that are fighting for the attention of men these days. Work, education, church, TV., hanging out with friends, it all competes for time and affections. What about what truly matters?
Take heart men, we are the warriors of our families. We are the one that MUST stand firm in the fry. We need to step into the battle with our swords held high and our guns blazing for we must fight for our families hearts. God put us in charge of this group of people we know as our families. We are the warriors.
However, Men we need to WAKE UP! To often our wives pick up our battle gear and race onto the field for us simply because we would rather sit in our proverbial easy chairs and watch the world flash by on the TV screen. We have to be the leaders of our families not the ones sitting on the sidelines.
God created us will a flame in our hearts for adventure, and bravery, but we have traded in that adventure for someone else's adventure. I can tell you that I have found myself more than once acting as if I am the bravest hunter in the world, or the avid camper that withstand anything, but the truth is I am a shell of a man when it comes to those things. I like to hunt and camp, but I'm not an expert, I am still not crazy about gutting a deer.
I talk other men as if I know what they are talking about as they talk about cars and shooting a ten point buck when in reality I could care less if a guy just drove by in a souped up 57 Chevy.
I want you to know that what I am writing is more to me than any other person who might happen to read this. I need this little speech I am giving more than most of the men I know.
So how can we as men get past this outer shell and let people see who we really are? We have to be honest with ourselves and realize that we can be who we are, we don't need to be someone else. I have been trying to be someone else my whole life and it just isn't worth it. I tend to find someone I look up to and try to do things the way I think they would do it. This only thickens the sell of who I am.
Stand with me and together we can crack the shell that is keeping us from the life that God wants for us.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Fear and Facebook
For the last few months I have been dealing with this fear that seems to come over me whenever I see someone get in trouble at work. For some reason I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that they got in trouble because of me. I know it sounds absurd, but this is the feeling I get every time.
I was reading in the Psalms this morning and came across a psalm that really spoke to my heart today. I love how God uses the bible to speak directly to things that we are going through in our lives. It is Psalm 27: 1-3.
This week was a fairly trying week for me. Someone I work with was found to be using facebook at work in the owners office no less. Needless to say the owner came unglued. This young woman however was able to keep her job. The owner came and talked to me about this long before she confronted the situation with this young woman. When the owner started talking to me about it I got this feeling in my stomach like it was my fault and fear started to well up inside of me.
I knew that this was a lie from the evil one to bring my attitude down, and I resisted this feeling. I continually told myself that I had done nothing wrong and that it was not my fault. I found myself feeling bad for the young woman because I knew she could lose her job, but again I told myself that this was not my fault and that the young woman had made this choice on her own.
When this young woman was confronted about the use of facebook at work she immediately brought my name into the whole mess by saying that I use my cell phone to text at work which I do to communicate with my wife who is eight months pregnant.
All day yesterday I was feeling as though I was thrown under the bus for something that some else had done and until this morning I was feeling very down about the whole situation. However, God has seemed to step in and say that “you have done nothing wrong” and that He will protect me from the people who try to drag my name through the mud.
I simply need to remember that God is watching over me and through all of life He will protect me from my enemies and therefore I have no need to fear.
I was reading in the Psalms this morning and came across a psalm that really spoke to my heart today. I love how God uses the bible to speak directly to things that we are going through in our lives. It is Psalm 27: 1-3.
“The Lord is my light and my
Salvation -
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my
life -
of whom shall I be afraid?
When evil men advance against me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack
me,
they will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then will I be confident.”
(Psalm 27:1-3 NIV)
This week was a fairly trying week for me. Someone I work with was found to be using facebook at work in the owners office no less. Needless to say the owner came unglued. This young woman however was able to keep her job. The owner came and talked to me about this long before she confronted the situation with this young woman. When the owner started talking to me about it I got this feeling in my stomach like it was my fault and fear started to well up inside of me.
I knew that this was a lie from the evil one to bring my attitude down, and I resisted this feeling. I continually told myself that I had done nothing wrong and that it was not my fault. I found myself feeling bad for the young woman because I knew she could lose her job, but again I told myself that this was not my fault and that the young woman had made this choice on her own.
When this young woman was confronted about the use of facebook at work she immediately brought my name into the whole mess by saying that I use my cell phone to text at work which I do to communicate with my wife who is eight months pregnant.
All day yesterday I was feeling as though I was thrown under the bus for something that some else had done and until this morning I was feeling very down about the whole situation. However, God has seemed to step in and say that “you have done nothing wrong” and that He will protect me from the people who try to drag my name through the mud.
I simply need to remember that God is watching over me and through all of life He will protect me from my enemies and therefore I have no need to fear.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Where's My Advice?
This has been on my heart for some time, however because of my chaotic life I have been unable to put it down on screen till now In light of the little bundle of joy that my wife has been carrying for the past six months I wanted to share what I have been going through as a soon to be father. It seems like everywhere we go a group of women encircle Renee and ask the infamous question of “when are you due?” or “do you know what you are having?”. Then you get those well intentioned ladies who give advice about what to expect and how you can tell if it is a boy or girl.
I've never been surrounded by a group of men fawning over me and giving advice about fatherhood and what to expect. Instead I get a bunch of men saying things like “Well you know what you can kiss goodbye.” or “Way to get-ur-done!”. What is a man really suppose to go through while he is waiting in the wings for fatherhood to slap him in the face?
What I have been experiencing may be very different than most men go through, or maybe not, the men aren't talking. Here is what I have been experiencing for the last six months from a birds eye view.
When I heard that Renee was expecting I was excited, but I didn't jump up and down like I did the first time we found out we were pregnant. I was more skeptical this time because of our emotional loss of our first child when Renee was four weeks along. I didn't find it hard to contain my joy simply because we were figuratively holding our breathe.
When we reached the end of the first trimester the excitement still was not there for me, but Renee was so excited that she couldn't wait to tell our families the good news. I on the other hand kind of kept my silence about the hold thing. I was struggling inside whether this child was a good thing or not.
I started thinking about all of the things that I might miss because I would have to look after this new little baby. My mind started to spin out of control with thoughts like “am I ready?, can I provide for my family?, what if I fail as a father and my child turns out like those other bratty kids I see on a daily basis in my store?”.
I continued to entertain thoughts of fear, but nothing bugged me more than the thought of what if I have to give up the things I love because of this kid? As this piece of selfishness weighed on my mind I began to realize that there is nothing that would cause me to through this kid back like a fish. I began to grab hold of the fact that this baby was coming whether I wanted it to or not. I am going to be a father. As my minds eye picked up my jaw off the floor I brushed myself off and stood taller than I did the day before. I came to the realization that I have the chance to raise up a child not for my own, but for the benefit of the rest of the world.
This child could grow up to be the next Billy Graham, or better yet the next Christian rock star (ok, the last one was just for fun, but really). The baby in my wife's womb could be the next great thing and I won't trade the opportunity to be apart of it's beautiful life.
I wrote a short song about what I was feeling and the chorus says it all for me.
“And I can't wait to see your face. And I can't wait to hold your hand. I can't wait to be your daddy.”
I've never been surrounded by a group of men fawning over me and giving advice about fatherhood and what to expect. Instead I get a bunch of men saying things like “Well you know what you can kiss goodbye.” or “Way to get-ur-done!”. What is a man really suppose to go through while he is waiting in the wings for fatherhood to slap him in the face?
What I have been experiencing may be very different than most men go through, or maybe not, the men aren't talking. Here is what I have been experiencing for the last six months from a birds eye view.
When I heard that Renee was expecting I was excited, but I didn't jump up and down like I did the first time we found out we were pregnant. I was more skeptical this time because of our emotional loss of our first child when Renee was four weeks along. I didn't find it hard to contain my joy simply because we were figuratively holding our breathe.
When we reached the end of the first trimester the excitement still was not there for me, but Renee was so excited that she couldn't wait to tell our families the good news. I on the other hand kind of kept my silence about the hold thing. I was struggling inside whether this child was a good thing or not.
I started thinking about all of the things that I might miss because I would have to look after this new little baby. My mind started to spin out of control with thoughts like “am I ready?, can I provide for my family?, what if I fail as a father and my child turns out like those other bratty kids I see on a daily basis in my store?”.
I continued to entertain thoughts of fear, but nothing bugged me more than the thought of what if I have to give up the things I love because of this kid? As this piece of selfishness weighed on my mind I began to realize that there is nothing that would cause me to through this kid back like a fish. I began to grab hold of the fact that this baby was coming whether I wanted it to or not. I am going to be a father. As my minds eye picked up my jaw off the floor I brushed myself off and stood taller than I did the day before. I came to the realization that I have the chance to raise up a child not for my own, but for the benefit of the rest of the world.
This child could grow up to be the next Billy Graham, or better yet the next Christian rock star (ok, the last one was just for fun, but really). The baby in my wife's womb could be the next great thing and I won't trade the opportunity to be apart of it's beautiful life.
I wrote a short song about what I was feeling and the chorus says it all for me.
“And I can't wait to see your face. And I can't wait to hold your hand. I can't wait to be your daddy.”
Monday, October 05, 2009
Incomprehensible Grace
I love that feeling that a person gets when one is in love. Lately I have been getting that feeling when I think about God. Not that I am able to measure God's love, but simply that I can feel His love around me. But, what happens when a person stops feeling that love and turns to other things to fill that “love spot” in their hearts. For me it was turning to lust to fill the hole.
I know I have shared my story hear before, but I will refresh your memory...
I was abused at a very pivotal time in my life. This time is known as puberty. I have to say that it really messed me up in the head for a long time. Thoughts of suicide ran through my mind on what seemed like a never ending basis.
It has taken years to clean the hurt and pain out of my life from this time in my life, but with the help of friends and my wife I am on the road to healing.
The great news is that God's love is so deep, so wide, so huge, and incomprehensible, that He gave His perfect, one and only Son to murder by you and I so that we could be completely free from the sin that is in our lives. We are so blessed by the grace of God and yet so undeserving.
I know I have shared my story hear before, but I will refresh your memory...
I was abused at a very pivotal time in my life. This time is known as puberty. I have to say that it really messed me up in the head for a long time. Thoughts of suicide ran through my mind on what seemed like a never ending basis.
It has taken years to clean the hurt and pain out of my life from this time in my life, but with the help of friends and my wife I am on the road to healing.
The great news is that God's love is so deep, so wide, so huge, and incomprehensible, that He gave His perfect, one and only Son to murder by you and I so that we could be completely free from the sin that is in our lives. We are so blessed by the grace of God and yet so undeserving.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Wake Up Call
This morning I lead worship at church. I love leading people in worshipping the Creator of the Universe. As we finished our worship set I went and sat down by my wife. Sitting there God spoke to me. I have to say that God doesn’t always speak so clearly to me as He did this morning.
I led four very powerful songs that talked about who God is. One song about being Beautiful another about Him being mighty to save, and another about Him being a Healer. As I was sitting there in my comfy little church seat God said to me, “all of those songs are great, but you’re not living like I am all of those things”. I have to admit that I was completely cut to the quick. He is so right. After I thought about it for a few minutes it became strikingly clear to me that God was completely right. I have not been living like God is a healer, mighty to save, or beautiful. I have been living as though God is Beautiful, Mighty to Save, and a Healer on Sunday and then come Monday I go back to living my own way.
This is not to say that I live an awful life away from church, I just don’t think about God or talk to Him as much as I know He wants me to. My relationship with God has been for the most part silent over the last few weeks. Until today that is when He broke in and gave me this revelation.
It is so easy to get comfortable living own little world in my own little life that I start thinking that I can do it on my own. When the reality is that I am nothing more than dead without Christ. When I gave my life to Christ I was saying that I want this relationship with You. I am Your child and I want You to be my Father and my Friend.
This is just one more time in my life that God spoke softly into my life and woke me up to continue my relationship with Him. I was reminded today that my relationship with God is allot of work and that I need to continue to work harder than ever to keep from becoming complacent.
I led four very powerful songs that talked about who God is. One song about being Beautiful another about Him being mighty to save, and another about Him being a Healer. As I was sitting there in my comfy little church seat God said to me, “all of those songs are great, but you’re not living like I am all of those things”. I have to admit that I was completely cut to the quick. He is so right. After I thought about it for a few minutes it became strikingly clear to me that God was completely right. I have not been living like God is a healer, mighty to save, or beautiful. I have been living as though God is Beautiful, Mighty to Save, and a Healer on Sunday and then come Monday I go back to living my own way.
This is not to say that I live an awful life away from church, I just don’t think about God or talk to Him as much as I know He wants me to. My relationship with God has been for the most part silent over the last few weeks. Until today that is when He broke in and gave me this revelation.
It is so easy to get comfortable living own little world in my own little life that I start thinking that I can do it on my own. When the reality is that I am nothing more than dead without Christ. When I gave my life to Christ I was saying that I want this relationship with You. I am Your child and I want You to be my Father and my Friend.
This is just one more time in my life that God spoke softly into my life and woke me up to continue my relationship with Him. I was reminded today that my relationship with God is allot of work and that I need to continue to work harder than ever to keep from becoming complacent.
Friday, September 18, 2009
How Can One Love So Much
I just read my wife's last post and I have to say that I have never seen anyone with so much love. She doesn't have to say she loves the child that is growing inside of her, I can see it in her eyes. every time she feels the baby move or kick she gets this sparkle in her eyes that says "I love this little one".
I cannot help but compare the joy of pregnancy to our relationship with God. We might get a glimpse of God through an ultrasound of Him through His word. We may never see God in His whole glorious form (until heaven at least, but we can feel Him move and kick us when we need it.
I think God wants us to love Him as if we will see Him one day soon. Just like Renee lives with the expectation that she will see the little one that is inside of her we too need to live with the expectation that we will see Jesus. We should have that same kind of love for Him as a new mother has for her child.
I cannot help but compare the joy of pregnancy to our relationship with God. We might get a glimpse of God through an ultrasound of Him through His word. We may never see God in His whole glorious form (until heaven at least, but we can feel Him move and kick us when we need it.
I think God wants us to love Him as if we will see Him one day soon. Just like Renee lives with the expectation that she will see the little one that is inside of her we too need to live with the expectation that we will see Jesus. We should have that same kind of love for Him as a new mother has for her child.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
From Renee
It feels like it’s finally hitting me. There is a life growing inside of me.
How blessed am I? That God would choose me to parent and love one of his Creations? I can’t stop looking at the little black and white picture of this sweet little baby. Every little poke and kick resonates within my heart, and love overflows.
How blessed am I? That God would choose me to parent and love one of his Creations? I can’t stop looking at the little black and white picture of this sweet little baby. Every little poke and kick resonates within my heart, and love overflows.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Stand By Me
My wife and I just finished watching the classic movie Stand By Me. I have never seen the movie all the way through until today. I think it actually quickly became one of my favorite movies of all time. It is a great story of four friends that go on the hunt for a dead kid in a few towns over.
However, while the storyline was pretty good it was more the relationship between the boys that caught me in the movie. There just seemed to be an inseparable bond between the four of them.
This was a great movie for me to watch today. I just got back from spending some time with a few men from church at what we call "MAN CAMP". We spent time shooting skeet, doing a relay race, and eating five pound steaks the size of a mans head. I was not able to take part in all of the fun, I had knee surgery almost two weeks ago now and have been in an immobilizer. I was able to shoot skeet (which was awesome), but that again is not what I took away from today.
I found today that there are some amazing men in my church community. They may not look like it when their women are around, but these men love deeply and care for each other in a very deep way. They would give their life for one another. While we all talk a hard game we love each other. Kind of like the boys in "Stand By Me".
The boys talk a hard game, but their bond goes deep. This is why I love spending time with men out in the wilderness of life. It is in this time of life when boys become men and men become warriors. There are so many things that come up against men on a daily basis. For me Satan comes against me with the sin of lust. I am sure I am not the only man that falls into this trap. In fact I think if the men in our lives were honest most of them would say they struggle with some form of lust.
However, even though men fall into this trap that Satan sets up on a daily basis I can tell you that if the men in our faith communities around the world would come together and stand together and stand firm Satan would take a huge hit to his offensive. My gender needs to stand up to the sin of lust, stand firm, link arms, and fight we would see men starting to come alive in their faith. They would have a renewed hope, and they would be able to love with a relentless love.
There is something about spending time with men that makes something come alive in my soul. Something ruff and strong wells up in my bowels that gives me a strength that in seem to forget God has given me.
So to all the men reading this today, step out of your comfort zone, let go of your overwhelming urge to run away, and spend some quality time with the men in your life. Get out and go camping, just the guys, or shoot some guns together. Just do something together, that way you get to know the guy in the trenches next to you. In this way you can have his back and he can have your's. Get out there and live life together.
However, while the storyline was pretty good it was more the relationship between the boys that caught me in the movie. There just seemed to be an inseparable bond between the four of them.
This was a great movie for me to watch today. I just got back from spending some time with a few men from church at what we call "MAN CAMP". We spent time shooting skeet, doing a relay race, and eating five pound steaks the size of a mans head. I was not able to take part in all of the fun, I had knee surgery almost two weeks ago now and have been in an immobilizer. I was able to shoot skeet (which was awesome), but that again is not what I took away from today.
I found today that there are some amazing men in my church community. They may not look like it when their women are around, but these men love deeply and care for each other in a very deep way. They would give their life for one another. While we all talk a hard game we love each other. Kind of like the boys in "Stand By Me".
The boys talk a hard game, but their bond goes deep. This is why I love spending time with men out in the wilderness of life. It is in this time of life when boys become men and men become warriors. There are so many things that come up against men on a daily basis. For me Satan comes against me with the sin of lust. I am sure I am not the only man that falls into this trap. In fact I think if the men in our lives were honest most of them would say they struggle with some form of lust.
However, even though men fall into this trap that Satan sets up on a daily basis I can tell you that if the men in our faith communities around the world would come together and stand together and stand firm Satan would take a huge hit to his offensive. My gender needs to stand up to the sin of lust, stand firm, link arms, and fight we would see men starting to come alive in their faith. They would have a renewed hope, and they would be able to love with a relentless love.
There is something about spending time with men that makes something come alive in my soul. Something ruff and strong wells up in my bowels that gives me a strength that in seem to forget God has given me.
So to all the men reading this today, step out of your comfort zone, let go of your overwhelming urge to run away, and spend some quality time with the men in your life. Get out and go camping, just the guys, or shoot some guns together. Just do something together, that way you get to know the guy in the trenches next to you. In this way you can have his back and he can have your's. Get out there and live life together.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Frankenmuth Weekend
What a wonderful weekend this has been. My wife and I are in our home away from home, Frankenmuth, MI, to enjoy a time of relaxation and fun. We usually come here once a year to get away from the mind numbing pace of normal life. Life for us has been running at the pace of the Indy 500.
Our time here usually includes shopping for the clothing that we need for the rest of the year at Burch Run’s amazing outlet mall, but we also spend time hanging out in our hotel room just relaxing. Most of our friends and family don’t understand why we put ourselves through this preserved boredom. The simplest of reasons lies behind this trip.
We have to recuperate from the demands of life. Renee and I have learn that nothing should stand between us as a married couple and that nothing should stand between God and us. However, if we do not take time for one another we will gradually move away from God simply because we have not spent time with one another.
I realize I wrote about this same thing just a few days ago, but I write about this again because it is so important.
Now I must say I love spending this time with Renee. She is an amazing woman who I rarely get to spend quality time with. I am always reminded of the reasons why I chose to love Renee. In the setting that we are in we can relax and focus on one another with the time like we used to when we were dating.
So I need everyone to know that if you are having relationship problems with your spouse or God, simply do what Jesus did in the bible and get away from the business of life to pray and relax with the ones you love. Remember Jesus would get away with his disciples and then He would go off on His own for a while to get reacquainted with His Father.
We need to do the same. Take time to spend quality time with the ones you love and with God.
Our time here usually includes shopping for the clothing that we need for the rest of the year at Burch Run’s amazing outlet mall, but we also spend time hanging out in our hotel room just relaxing. Most of our friends and family don’t understand why we put ourselves through this preserved boredom. The simplest of reasons lies behind this trip.
We have to recuperate from the demands of life. Renee and I have learn that nothing should stand between us as a married couple and that nothing should stand between God and us. However, if we do not take time for one another we will gradually move away from God simply because we have not spent time with one another.
I realize I wrote about this same thing just a few days ago, but I write about this again because it is so important.
Now I must say I love spending this time with Renee. She is an amazing woman who I rarely get to spend quality time with. I am always reminded of the reasons why I chose to love Renee. In the setting that we are in we can relax and focus on one another with the time like we used to when we were dating.
So I need everyone to know that if you are having relationship problems with your spouse or God, simply do what Jesus did in the bible and get away from the business of life to pray and relax with the ones you love. Remember Jesus would get away with his disciples and then He would go off on His own for a while to get reacquainted with His Father.
We need to do the same. Take time to spend quality time with the ones you love and with God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)