There has been a lot of things going on in my life lately that have stolen my affections from my God. The simple business of life, the overwhelming crunch of managing a store, and the raising of my son. It simply seems as though I have lost sight of the one true way to live life. This morning I was thinking back to when life was much simpler and life was pretty good.
Back when I lived with my parents life was good. I could come and go as I pleased. No one really asked too much of me, but now it seems that life has caught up with me and I feel the weight of responsibility getting heavier every day. I can remember when I would worship God in the car on the way to work and home again. I can remember when I would spend hours in my room just listening to worship music pouring out my heart to God in song. It is my hearts desire to not return to that place, but to once again have that relationship with my Father God as we once had.
I feel like I as though my desire to worship God has diminished in these last days. I find myself wishing I could stay home from church and not do anything. When I think these things I get the feeling that my insides are crying out to once again worship from the depths of my soul. Maybe it is the fear of being real with everyone. Maybe I am afraid to worship in my own way. Maybe I am afraid of being me, of giving my all to a church that I'm not sure will make it. In my heart I think it is all of the above. Maybe it is the pressure I have put upon myself to do current songs and in doing so I have left behind the songs of my youth and in turn lost a piece of true worship that I once had.
I believe it is time to return to some of the old songs of my youth and give more of myself in worshiping Jesus. As I write I am listening to some of the old songs I used to play in worship or at least some that I listened to as a young man. I can feel Christ stirring my heart as I listen to them. I want to get back to a passionate worship experience. Not just a fun listless song list, but deep emotional, life changing worship that can change the smallest life and an entire generation.
