By
this point in the week we are heading straight into the mid-week hump
and I have to say, I wish we were already at the weeks end. Since my
son was born my wife and I rarely do anything outside of the home.
Marcus (our son) heads to bed around seven o'clock and Renee and I
get to work doing dishes, cleaning the house, and watching “Biggest
Loser” while eating popcorn. I know, eating while watching a weight
loss show seems pretty cliche, but that is exactly what we do almost
every week.
I
have recently been reading a book which talks about viewing life as a
story and I have to say it is hard to do. I was thinking about the
story I have been living thus far in my life. I came to the
realization that I have been living a small story. A boring story. A
story that would put people to sleep if it were ever to be put into
film or book.
I
struggle with an immense fear of people, conversation, and failure.
Once when I was ten years old I started my own lawn mowing service
called “Sutter's Lawn Service”. I hung fliers around a few towns
in our area with the little pull off tabs with my phone number on
them and waited for someone to call. It took a few weeks but I
finally got a call back. I remember that phone call like it was
yesterday. My mom answered and called me to the phone and whispered
to me that it was someone wanting me to mow their lawn. I took the
phone into my shaking hands and put it up to my ear and said,
“hellee, Helli, uh!, Hello?” I felt like the stupidest kid in the
neighborhood. From that point on I hated talking on the phone and
still do to this day.
There
were a few years in there where I actually lived in fear of having to
answer the telephone and speak with the person on the other end. My
fear of phone calls translated and shifted into a fear of people. I
wouldn't look people in the eye when in a conversation and rarely
started one.
Looking
back I can see that my fear kept me from living a larger story. My
fear held me captive for far too long. Now, ironically I work in
customer service at a retail store. Let's just say I had to face my
fear of people head on.
Before
reading this book I had not given much thought to what kind of story
I was living. I was just living life, or so I thought. I'm the type
of person who tries to live in the here and now, not the future.
However, I do sometimes find myself living in the past. When I was in
high school I played basketball on a home school team. I wasn't very
good and spent most of my short lived career sitting on the bench. I
was heavy set and short in stature, not a good combination for the
sport of basketball, but I loved to play the game. It seems strange,
but sometimes I find myself thinking back to a basketball tournament
where I I scored eight point in the matter of five minutes. A career
first (and last).. When I think about that time in my life I have to
smile because I was such a dork.
My
story at this point does have all the elements it needs to be a great
story according to Donald Miller author of “A Millions Miles in a
Thousand Years”. He says the best stories involve “a character
who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it”. It is true
isn't it? All the great epics portray someone overcoming immense
odds to, like Frodo in the epic book and movie trilogy Lord of the
Rings, getting the ring to the Mountain of Doom or like Rudy getting
the hell beaten outta him by college football players.
I
haven't ever faced Orcs or gotten my back side handed to me by a
seven foot tall human battering ram, but I have been through my share
of life conflict. I don't want to go into my past here but if you
read some of my previous blogs you will discover some of the “poo”
I have been through.
I'm
still not quite sure what I am trying to “get” yet, but I know
that it involves my family. My family is my world. I get up everyday,
go to work, come back home, and do it all over again the next day for
my family.
I
used to think that the one thing I was trying to become was a world
famous worship leader who would lead thousands of people in worship
in stadiums across the country. I would travel all around the world
on tour with Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio. However, as I said in one
of my recent posts I got wrapped up in leading worship at my church
and kind of forgot about my family. I spent way too much time working
and much too little time with my wife and son.
Stepping
down as worship leader was one of the hardest decisions I have ever
had to make. It wasn't just because I love music or that I loved the
people that I was leading, but more because I had to let go of the
dream. I had to lay down what I thought was important to be a better
father, husband, and servant. I got distracted by a smaller side
story. I took my eyes off of the real story, which I'm still not
clear on, and began to focus on the side plot. Being a world famous
worship leader is a smaller story. Being a good father and husband,
now that is a story that I want to get wrapped up in.
So
what kind of story are you living? Are you lost in the side story,
back story, or the special affects? They are all things to distract
us from the real story. I can't tell you what your story is, nor can
you tell me mine. God has a story for each of us to live, we just
have to hit the play button. So... what are you waiting for? To quote
from the movie “Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader”, “Your
journey begins now!”
