So I am rereading a book on leading worship and it is a phenomenal book. But as I continue to read it I see more and more things that as a worship leader I have fallen short on. I wish I would have read it closer the first time. There are so many things that can get in the way of our relationship with Christ. My biggest stumbling block is myself. For a long time I thought I was something that everyone needed to see, like a side show at the Ionia Free Fair, or the circus or something. I have come to the realization that while I am a side show I am one of those side shows that you have to pay a small amount of money to see the really simple, ridiculous acts, and them pay more money to see the really amazing stuff like driving nails through my nose or eating a handful of honey bees, things like that.
The truth is, that even on my best days I cannot measure up to the standards set before me. I try and try, but at the end of the day all I have left is a pile of wreckage and ash in my wake.
But as the song says that I am listening to right now, “All I need is You Lord, All I need is You”. That is all any of us needs. God is our life's Avenger! He alone can save and He alone can rescue us from a life of self.
Back to this book I am reading, if God has called you to lead worship like He has me, then you know the struggle to which I am writing. There is such a fine line between worship and performance. We can mix the two, but for us as worship leader it is an extremely fine line. It is so easy to get caught up in the performing aspect of music that we lose the heart of worship that God planted in us. This happened to me recently. I simply got caught up in the music and lost my focus on who it was I was playing the music for.
The business of life took a toll and it became a crushing weight that I could no longer stand up under. I felt like a Mini Cooper at a monster truck rally and the monster truck stopped right on top of me. I wasn't turning to God to bring relief, but rather to myself. I looked to my own strength to stand up underneath the weight and I was just not strong enough to handle it on my own.
I lost perspective on Who I should have been focusing and the vision and purpose behind the worship ministry. By the time I left the church I was so crushed a tired that I had to take three months away from church just to recover from the mental and spiritual exhaustion. My biggest mistake was that I was trying to make the vision of the ministry come to pass, but that wasn't my job. My job was simply to follow Christ and He would make the vision happen. There is nothing that I can do to make God “do” anything. I stepped out of the passenger seat and stepped into the driver seat and that is when I fell apart.
I was driving hard to reach the ultimate goal which wasn't to lead people in worship, but rather to land a full time worship leader position in the church. I even landed an interview in Frankenmuth, MI with one of the most predominate churches in that area. I didn't make the cut, but when I landed the interview I was on cloud nine. I thought I was somebody, I thought I had arrived. Who knew that it was the beginning of God breaking me.
Pride, it is one of the most, if not the most, destructive sin known to man. The bible says that “pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) As worship leaders we have to be so careful not to fall into the trap of destructive pride.
I wish I could go back to the beginning and start again, but God doesn't work like that. He allows us to walk through the valleys so that we grow stronger in Him.
I feel that I am finally getting stronger, but it is a slow and painful process. There is a lot of self examination in the healing process. I have to spend a lot of time going through the painful process of being striped away till only Christ remains. It is like I was telling my son last night when he asked about the scar I have on my knee. I told him that “the doctor had to give daddy an owy so that his knee would feel better, and now it feels allot better”. The recovery process was miserable not only for me, but for Renee as well, because she had to get up every four hours for weeks to change the ice water that surrounded my leg, and she was pregnant at the time.
It is the same with a broken life. It is miserable for everyone involved until healing comes. So it is my prayer for very broken worship leader, pastor, husband, father, anyone, that you would hold on through the healing process, because there is a better life on the other side of the pain and healing.
The truth is, that even on my best days I cannot measure up to the standards set before me. I try and try, but at the end of the day all I have left is a pile of wreckage and ash in my wake.
But as the song says that I am listening to right now, “All I need is You Lord, All I need is You”. That is all any of us needs. God is our life's Avenger! He alone can save and He alone can rescue us from a life of self.
Back to this book I am reading, if God has called you to lead worship like He has me, then you know the struggle to which I am writing. There is such a fine line between worship and performance. We can mix the two, but for us as worship leader it is an extremely fine line. It is so easy to get caught up in the performing aspect of music that we lose the heart of worship that God planted in us. This happened to me recently. I simply got caught up in the music and lost my focus on who it was I was playing the music for.
The business of life took a toll and it became a crushing weight that I could no longer stand up under. I felt like a Mini Cooper at a monster truck rally and the monster truck stopped right on top of me. I wasn't turning to God to bring relief, but rather to myself. I looked to my own strength to stand up underneath the weight and I was just not strong enough to handle it on my own.
I lost perspective on Who I should have been focusing and the vision and purpose behind the worship ministry. By the time I left the church I was so crushed a tired that I had to take three months away from church just to recover from the mental and spiritual exhaustion. My biggest mistake was that I was trying to make the vision of the ministry come to pass, but that wasn't my job. My job was simply to follow Christ and He would make the vision happen. There is nothing that I can do to make God “do” anything. I stepped out of the passenger seat and stepped into the driver seat and that is when I fell apart.
I was driving hard to reach the ultimate goal which wasn't to lead people in worship, but rather to land a full time worship leader position in the church. I even landed an interview in Frankenmuth, MI with one of the most predominate churches in that area. I didn't make the cut, but when I landed the interview I was on cloud nine. I thought I was somebody, I thought I had arrived. Who knew that it was the beginning of God breaking me.
Pride, it is one of the most, if not the most, destructive sin known to man. The bible says that “pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) As worship leaders we have to be so careful not to fall into the trap of destructive pride.
I wish I could go back to the beginning and start again, but God doesn't work like that. He allows us to walk through the valleys so that we grow stronger in Him.
I feel that I am finally getting stronger, but it is a slow and painful process. There is a lot of self examination in the healing process. I have to spend a lot of time going through the painful process of being striped away till only Christ remains. It is like I was telling my son last night when he asked about the scar I have on my knee. I told him that “the doctor had to give daddy an owy so that his knee would feel better, and now it feels allot better”. The recovery process was miserable not only for me, but for Renee as well, because she had to get up every four hours for weeks to change the ice water that surrounded my leg, and she was pregnant at the time.
It is the same with a broken life. It is miserable for everyone involved until healing comes. So it is my prayer for very broken worship leader, pastor, husband, father, anyone, that you would hold on through the healing process, because there is a better life on the other side of the pain and healing.
