Change

I remember the days when I first started doing ministry. I was nineteen years old and I had a fire that seems to be almost unquenchable. I started in ministry as a small group leader at a local youth ministry. My passion for youth grew into a passion for worshiping God. At age twenty I became the worship leader at the Lakewood Youth Center. God had brought me out of the darkest of pits to put me in front of eighty wound up, angry, and broken students. Time went on and I began to work more and more along side the youth pastor, and I soon learned that ministry is not all fun and games. I learned that ministry can be very messy, even ugly at times. However, there was an heir of oneness with the ministry team that we had.
Now that I am the leader of a youth ministry I want that same heir around this ministry. I want people to look at Xplode Student Ministries and see one of the strongest youth ministries ever. In order to get to that place we first need to lay down our pride and self want and let God form this ministry into what He wants it to be.
Youth ministry is constantly shifting and being transformed and I know our ministry will continually have to change. There are times when I find myself wishing that everything could stay the same, however, I know that not changing could mean death to a youth ministry. Change is the only thing that keeps youth ministry relevant. However, the core never changes.
God, help me to continually find new ways to keep our youth ministry on the cutting edge. Don't let my enemies triumph over me as I fight to minister to the youth in our world and when it seems that the evil one is trying to crush me on every side; oh God be my strength. Help me to speak only graciously of others and to be an encouragement to those who are down and out.

Face of a Man, Heart of a King

The other day I was at work in the small bookstore I like to call "The Old Lady Store". I was operating the cash register when an elderly man rolled up in one of those Huveround chairs. He was slower than most and it was hard to understand him. I first noticed him as he was waiting out side the store for someone to let him in. I went out the front door and asked him if he wanted to come in. He gave me the biggest smile and through what sounded like a grunt said "yes". I held the door for him as he maneuvered his chair through the doorway. He had a smell about him that was less than pleasant, but nonetheless, he seemed happy.
It seemed like an eternity that he shopped in our little store. Looking at everything and anything. Then I saw him looking at something that I thought was unusual. He stop in front of the wind chimes. He just sat there looking at them. I went over and ask he want to hear any of them and he gave my another grunt. I grabbed the first one and gave it a lite jingle. His eyes lit up like some one had just opened up a whole new world. He gave out a quick laugh and then proceeded to have me jingle every single wind chime we had. It was an awesome sight to see a man so broken and frail to be enjoying himself so much. He couldn't use his hands or his feet, they were too stiff with arthritis, but he still had his laughter, and laugh he did. I must have spent a good half hour showing him all the wind chimes. I know that if I were in his condition I would want someone to help me. He looked around for a bit longer and them came to checkout counter with a broken smile, but a smile nonetheless. He was so excited to be purchasing this set of wind chimes. This man, made in the image of God rolled into the "Old Lady Store" a broken old man, but he rolled out (in my eyes) a mighty warrior with passion and fire in his eyes. As he left I thought to myself, "I wonder what happened to him to put him in that chair", I guess I'll never know. Of course all that really matters is that he is an image bearer of the King of Kings.

I'm Back

Man, it has been a long time since I wrote any thing in my blog. I've been crazy busy with epic youth. I am also working on going to school this fall(a little scary). However, I wouldn't change anything about my crazy life. A couple weeks ago on fathers day I called my dad to wish him a happy father's day, but this was not my normal father's day call. It was one of the most emotional father's day calls I have ever made. I love my dad and I tried to make it very clear to him. When I say emotional I don't mean sobbing on the phone or anything like that. It was that type of thing where you get a lump in your throat. I couldn't be with my dad on father's day but I think he knew that I meant what I said.
My father is my hero. He has put up with allot of hard things in his life so that I, as his child, could have a great life. I never thought about it when I was at home, but now that I am married, I realize that he is a great man. Getting to know him has been a real joy the last few years. I can see his heart more clearly now than before. He doesn't always wear it on his sleeve or cry at the drop of a hat, but his heart shows right through his button up shirt. I love you dad and I hope you know that every day is father's day in my heart.

How Close Can I Get?

Lately I have been made increasingly aware of how much prayer changes things. God has been pressing upon my heart to hold nothing back when I pray. I'm finding that there isn't enough time in the day to pray for every thing and everyone that needs it. I guess this is where that "pray with out ceasing" comes in. Make no mistake about it, God wants us to talk to Him. He longs to hear our cries, our joys, and our anger. He wants to hear it all and we need to be pro-active in doing so.

Lately we've really been pushing prayer in our youth group and I love to hear the students pray. Their prayers are so real and down to earth. Some time we as christian try and say these high and lofty prayers to impress people who might be listening, but these students just lay it out there like they're talking to you or me. That's what God wants to hear from us. He wants to hear us talking to Him like a friend or a brother. Maybe that's why God said "pray without ceasing", because that's how much He longs to hear from us.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we could have the relationship that Adam and God had back in the garden of Eden. The bible says that Adam and God would walk and converse in the cool of the evening. Wouldn't that be simply amazing. Walking around with God telling Him how your day went, how many animals you named that day, or what new places you discovered. Maybe that's what God is longing for. Maybe God longs to walk and talk with us and hear how our day went and how much we love His creation.

The great thing about it, is that we will get to walk and talk with God again. We will be able to tell Him how our day went and the things we did. When we get to heaven I don't think we will be standing around singing an ever lasting hymn all day long, at least I hope not. I think we're going to be able to explore the heavens and discover incredible things, new things, things we have never even dreamed of.

But for now, the closest we can get is prayer. So I plan to pray as often as I can so that when I get to heaven I can greet the Father as if I had been there for a thousand years.

Confessions Of A Sinner

Some times the grace of God is overwhelming. It is amazing just like the songs say. Today I hooked up with a web site www.xxxchurch.com. This is the most amazing web-site I have seen in a long time. This church is taking on the pornography industry. On their web-site they have free downloads that you can get to keep you accountable while your online. I signed up for it, not only because I want to stay pure, but because I struggle with it. I've been trying to hide the fact that I struggle with it, but the reality is that if I don't tell someone I'll never beat it. My personal accountability partners are my pastor, and my wife. The reason I'm writing about this is not so I can tell everyone in the world that I have a problem, but so that I can let everyone know that there is help out there for them. You don't need to be afraid to let someone know, because chances are, they have struggled with it too. Writing about this really does scare the stuffing out of me because I'm a youth pastor and I love teaching, but the way I see it, I don't have a choice. I have to be open and honest about what is going on in my life. I know not everyone reads my blog, but it only takes one person to get someone fired or create a bad reputation. However, I know that this is the best way to start the healing process for me. I have fought with this for so long that I just want it to be over. No more lies no more silent tears at night. I want this gone and I want it gone now. I don't know much but I do know that God is saying to me, "keep going, keep getting it out", and I intend to. To quote The singer songwriter Chris Tomlin- "my chains are gone I've been set free. Christ my savior ransomed me and like a flood Your mercy flows unending love, amazing grace".

Stay Comfortable And Miss Out

Today was a tough day for me. Stepping out of my comfort zone is not something I like to do. So, you can guess what this is about. We are in the process of shifting the youth group from the epicenter to our home. You would think this would be a simple task, but no, its a lot of work. We had to call each student's parent and let them know what our plans were and why we were moving this thing to our house. To be honest, I was so scared to call these parents, whom I have never met. You see, our youth group is made up of 51% unchurched or dechurched students. So, to say that the parent's were a little sceptical would be an understatement. Our job was to call these parents (who I got to know very well over the phone) and get them to understand our purpose for moving the youth group.
I was amazed at how willing some of the parents were to listen and ask questions and really talk to us. We got some fantastic responses from some of the parents saying "my daughter comes home from w.H.y and tells me all about it", or "my kid loves coming to the youth group". It is conversations likethese that make me realize why Renee and I put so much work into what we do. Those responses make our 70 plus hours of work every week seem so worth it. God is truly moving in our hearts and in the student's hearts and we are so overwhelmed with praise and thanks to our Creator for all He has done for us. We are so pumped!!!

So anyway, back to the real subject of this whole thing. I have a fear of telephones. Ever since I was nine years old, running my lawn business. My first customer called and my mother answered the phone and handed it to me. These were my exact words, "hulle, hully, hello". I almost died, my first customer and I blow the introduction. Needless to say, I have had a fear of telephones ever since that incident. So, yeah, I was just a little out of my comfort zone, but if I would not have stepped out and made those calls, I would have never heard the wonderful things the parents said to us. God knew we needed to hear from someone other than the pastor that we were doing a good job.

All the glory and honor goes to God. Non of this ministry is our own. It is God's and we're just His managers in this thing.

The best days of life seem to be right around your twenties don't they? Newly married, you feel nothing can touch you. Your in love with your beautiful wife and she's in love with you. But, how long do these days last? How long does a person live in this place? It seems that some people live here forever, others it seems, only have a few good months of living there. Just like Adam and Eve, sin creeps in and Eden is spouled for the rest of your life. I am continuely saddened by stories of young kids, who's parents have split up over money, or an afair, the list could go on forever. The parents do seem to suffer, but in the long run it is the kids that do the suffering. Angery at everyone and everything, they stuggle in school, loose their temper, but the number one thing they loose is loving, caring parents, who for a large scale of reasons seperate. Love is about more than feeling good all the time. Love is a choice, a choice that will change your life forever. Love died on a cross to set us free. So the next time you think about seperating from your husband or your wife, remember that Jesus could have walked away from saving the world, but He chose love, over pain.

God, today I am in awe of Your presence in my life. You talk to me like a brother and love like a father. Your mercy and goodness are with me always. Whenever I have a need, You fill it. When I walk through the valleys of life, You walk with me. You are the great I am. So much can be said about You, but only one name rises above the rest, Savior. You saved me from the mud and clay that I was stuck in for so long. You pulled me out with Your strong hands. You reach down into the mud, the filth that I was in and You ripped me out of the grip of the evil one. No longer am I in darkness, but I have chosen the light. No longer will I run back to the pit, as I have done so often before, for Your love has captured me, and I am Yours'.

This morning as I was taking a shower and singing rather off key, I began to think about the past. Like, when I asked my wife to marry me or when I promised I would be hers after just six months of dating. It seems like it was just yesterday that all this stuff happened. It seems like just last year that I jumped off my parents front porch and blow out my knee, playing in a rock band that opened for Rachel Lampa, or giving my life to Christ when I was eleven. There are so many things we just simply forget as time passes. Time seems to just run away with us and we're left standing here with little more than a fading memory of what life used to be like. Why couldn't we stay young forever. I once made that commitment, to stay young forever. I didn't want to grow up, I wanted to stay as I was. I had allot of friends who thought I was pretty cool(boy did I have them fooled) and with it, but really I had nothing. I wasn't cool, I didn't have it all together. At that time in my life I made some of the worst decisions of my life. I dated a girl I didn't even really want to date, I got drunk for the first time, I lost all my friends and I quit my job of ten years. How could I be so dumb to all of these things.

The past is a good reminder isn't it. I look back now and I see that allot of good came from these bad decisions. After I broke up with the girl i never really liked in the first place, I fell in love with my wife, I stopped drinking, and gained some pretty darn good friends. I found a job at a book store where I am now a manager and the music buyer for three stores. God totally turned this life of mine in the right direction with my wrong decisions. He took what I thought was stupid and made something great out of it. My life will never be the same.

I encourage you to take a look at your past and see how far you have come. The God who made something from nothing can certainly make something out of you. It may hurt while He is building who you are, but when He is through, you will be an amazing person.

Thank You God for this morning. Thank You for the light that shows through the widows of my heart. You are the one and only God, mighty in strength. I am amazed at the beauty of You. Never shall I go back to the place from where I came, never back to those days. You are my deliverer and I will ever praise You. You delivered me out of the pit I was stuck in and lifted me to a place of solid ground. You are healing this wounded heart of mine. Your words are not harsh and Your touch as gentle as the wind. Praise to You, oh God of heaven and earth, praise to You for ever and ever.

Long time No see

Hey, sorry I haven't been writing on here lately. My youth Paster duties have been taking up much of my time. I have also been working much more at my day job. I'm the music buyer for three christian book stores and it is allot of work. So, this is a list of excuses of why I haven't been blogging lately.

You Are

You.

You are my rock.

You are my shield.

You are the light that heals.

You are the still small voice in my head.

You are the bliss that comes from seeing new life begin.

You are in me, within me, beside me, and outside me.

You are the Creator, sustainer, and imaginator, of life.

You are the word, the I Am, the Holy of Hollies.

You are my everlasting God, Father, Savior.

You are Love, Joy, Peace, and yet,

You are my every breath.

You are.