It's a curious thing that has been happening lately since I have begun to talk more about my personal struggles and short comings as a man. In the last few weeks there have been three different people who have approached me asking if I would be willing to talk to someone they know who is struggling with various things that I have written about. Porn, abuse, and lust.
I used to think that I was all alone in my struggles with these things, but it turns out there are millions of men just like me who have been addicted to porn, or been abused, and struggle daily with lust. In my teenage years I was tormented by the problems I had with these things and I struggled in silence. Because I was a “PK” I felt I always had to be prefect. There was no room for error. I have to look the part and act the part. It was torture. I didn't know then that Christian's struggle with sin just as much as non-Christians. I didn't know that God loved me unconditionally or even what the word meant. All I could see was that I needed to be good or the church would feel my father was a bad pastor.
That is the thing I didn't get when I was a teenager. I didn't get that someone could love me so much that it didn't matter what I did. He was always going to love me and He was never going to stop loving me.
Now back to being asked to talk to those three different people.
Whenever someone asks me if I will talk to someone about what I have been through I always feel uneasy. Partly because I have no idea what I am suppose to say. I would be like, “hey, so you were abuse as a kid? Cool, so was I.” I mean really, what am I suppose to say? It is much easier for me to throw a book at them and say, “here read this, it helped me” rather than just sitting down with them and saying “hey, I want you to know that I know what you are going through and it is so hard. But you can get through it. If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what you are going through, just give me a call. I will be there to listen if nothing else.”
Something like this should be so easy to do, but it's not. It feels so unsafe. So vulnerable. But this is what Jesus commanded us to do. Carry each others burdens. Why because it is much easier to carry the weight of what the world has dumped on you when someone else is helping you carry it.
If you are reading this right now and you need someone to just listen to what you are going through, simply comment anonymously on this post. I may post a response if your comment warrants one, otherwise I am just here to listen to your story. There is nothing worse than walking through life trying to hold inside the weight and mess that the world has dumped on you. Let it out here and now. There is something so freeing about talking about the pain and hurt that you have been through. I know, I have been there. The first time I told someone I was abused it was over instant messenger and the person logged off before I could tell them, but it was still so freeing. You can have the freedom that comes with dumping all that weight. Let it out here. I promise you that my wife and I will be praying for you even if you comment anonymously. God knows who your are, and He knows your name.
I used to think that I was all alone in my struggles with these things, but it turns out there are millions of men just like me who have been addicted to porn, or been abused, and struggle daily with lust. In my teenage years I was tormented by the problems I had with these things and I struggled in silence. Because I was a “PK” I felt I always had to be prefect. There was no room for error. I have to look the part and act the part. It was torture. I didn't know then that Christian's struggle with sin just as much as non-Christians. I didn't know that God loved me unconditionally or even what the word meant. All I could see was that I needed to be good or the church would feel my father was a bad pastor.
What I didn't know was that God doesn't really care how we look to others. If He did we would all be dressed in Armani jeans and dinner jackets designed by Ralph Lauren. God cares solely about the soul. Now of course He cares about every part of your life, but it all surrounds the soul. Everything that God does is to make sure that you are with Him in Heaven. That is why God gives us unlimited, unwarranted, unrelenting, unchanging, beautiful grace. Grace has covered all the sins we have committed and all the sins we will commit.
That is the thing I didn't get when I was a teenager. I didn't get that someone could love me so much that it didn't matter what I did. He was always going to love me and He was never going to stop loving me.
There is freedom in God's grace. Why do you think the song is calling “Amazing Grace”? Because it is. When I was a kid I thought that once you accepted Jesus into your life things would all get better and life would be perfect, but it is not true. The words of the song go like this, “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now I'm found. Was blink, but now I see.” Anywhere in those lyrics did you see where the wretch became un-wretched. No, because we are still wretches. The only difference is that now we are a wretch who is covered completely by a grace that is completely free. How amazing is that!!
Now back to being asked to talk to those three different people.
Whenever someone asks me if I will talk to someone about what I have been through I always feel uneasy. Partly because I have no idea what I am suppose to say. I would be like, “hey, so you were abuse as a kid? Cool, so was I.” I mean really, what am I suppose to say? It is much easier for me to throw a book at them and say, “here read this, it helped me” rather than just sitting down with them and saying “hey, I want you to know that I know what you are going through and it is so hard. But you can get through it. If you ever need someone to talk to who knows what you are going through, just give me a call. I will be there to listen if nothing else.”
Something like this should be so easy to do, but it's not. It feels so unsafe. So vulnerable. But this is what Jesus commanded us to do. Carry each others burdens. Why because it is much easier to carry the weight of what the world has dumped on you when someone else is helping you carry it.
If you are reading this right now and you need someone to just listen to what you are going through, simply comment anonymously on this post. I may post a response if your comment warrants one, otherwise I am just here to listen to your story. There is nothing worse than walking through life trying to hold inside the weight and mess that the world has dumped on you. Let it out here and now. There is something so freeing about talking about the pain and hurt that you have been through. I know, I have been there. The first time I told someone I was abused it was over instant messenger and the person logged off before I could tell them, but it was still so freeing. You can have the freedom that comes with dumping all that weight. Let it out here. I promise you that my wife and I will be praying for you even if you comment anonymously. God knows who your are, and He knows your name.
1 comment:
I was sexually abused as a child. It sucks. I became obsessed with porn and sex. I think it began as a teenager, but it's hard to pinpoint. I was always searching...for that attention from men. Porn and sex became an addiction. It lead to muliple sexual partners in my 20's. It wasn't until finding God's love, being saved, and a Christian counselor that I finally started to realize what a limitless love He has for us. It still brings tears to my eyes to know that NO MATTER WHAT He loves me. Unconditionally. Period. Thanks for posting this. You and your wife are awesome. Keep up the good work on the blog.
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