I am learning so much from rereading "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. It is driving me to consider my own flaws and miss-steps in the light of God's unfailing love.
For many years I have felt as though I was serving others to actually serve myself. However, in the light of my self-image and the reflection I have seen in the mirror of my mind, I am more and more convinced that none of us truly serve selflessly. We get too wrapped up in us to see others. Sure we are serving on Sunday morning, trying to look like everything is ok, but the reality is that nothing is ok. We are broken inside and it is not in our power to fix it. In and of ourselves we are poor, slobbering fools who, without help, cannot accomplish anything of worth. We are dead and dying beings who try to make all the other messed up people around us feel as though we are less messed up than they are, all the while knowing full well that we are ten times worse off than all the others.
Why are we like this? Why do we try and hide who we really are? Why can't we just be who God created us to be? It all comes down to pride. We all have our halos on way too tight. There is a certain sect of people, however, who know they are worthless and do nothing to hide it. These are people who some of us as Christians view as nasty, unlovable, undesirable, useless, and hell bound.
It is interesting that those of use who come from middle class family's that struggle, but are still ok, find it so difficult to accept a loving Savior. I think it is because we do not know our own filth. But the alcoholic who wakes in the gutter, the prostitute who turns five tricks a night, the drug addict that crashed down from his high, they know that are worthless, unlovable, and undesirable. This view of themselves makes the truth of Jesus Christ so much easier to accept. It is because they have received unconditional love for what seems like the first time. When I think of this sect of people I tend to think of the brother of the prodigal son. I try to put myself in his shoes (and it comes all to naturally). He stayed home. Worked for his father like a good boy should while his brother waisted his father's inheritance on women and fast living. When the prodigal finally returns home the father throws a party for the fool. I can see where the brother would get upset. I would be too. The only difference between the prodigal and his brother is that the prodigal realized he was worthless without his father, the brother never did. The prodigal realized he needed a savior because he couldn't get out of the filth of the pig pen on his own.
My halo has been far too tight. It needs to be loosened a bit. I have been far to consumed with myself to see that true grace was waiting for me to realize that I was sitting in a pig pen eating slop. The awesomeness of God's grace is that "nothing can ever separate you (or me) from the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus our Lord". As Manning writes,
"Are you afraid that your weakness could separate you from the love of Christ?
It can't."
"Are you afraid that your inadequacies could separate you from the love of
Christ? They can't."
"Are you afraid that your inner poverty could separate you from the love of
Christ? It can't."
"Difficult marriage, loneliness, anxiety over the children's future? They can't."
"Negative self-image? It can't."
"Economic hardship, racial hatred, street crime? They can't."
"Rejection by loved ones of the suffering of loved ones? They can't."
"Persecution by authorities, going to jail? They can't."
"Nuclear war? It can't."
"Mistakes, fears, uncertainties? They can't."
"You must be convinced of this, trust it, and never forget to remember. Everything
else will pass away, but the love of Christ is the same yesterday, today, and
forever. Faith will become vision, hope will become possessions, but the love
of Jesus Christ that is stronger than death endures forever. In the end, it is the
one thing you can hang onto." (Manning, 1990)
For many years I have felt as though I was serving others to actually serve myself. However, in the light of my self-image and the reflection I have seen in the mirror of my mind, I am more and more convinced that none of us truly serve selflessly. We get too wrapped up in us to see others. Sure we are serving on Sunday morning, trying to look like everything is ok, but the reality is that nothing is ok. We are broken inside and it is not in our power to fix it. In and of ourselves we are poor, slobbering fools who, without help, cannot accomplish anything of worth. We are dead and dying beings who try to make all the other messed up people around us feel as though we are less messed up than they are, all the while knowing full well that we are ten times worse off than all the others.
Why are we like this? Why do we try and hide who we really are? Why can't we just be who God created us to be? It all comes down to pride. We all have our halos on way too tight. There is a certain sect of people, however, who know they are worthless and do nothing to hide it. These are people who some of us as Christians view as nasty, unlovable, undesirable, useless, and hell bound.
It is interesting that those of use who come from middle class family's that struggle, but are still ok, find it so difficult to accept a loving Savior. I think it is because we do not know our own filth. But the alcoholic who wakes in the gutter, the prostitute who turns five tricks a night, the drug addict that crashed down from his high, they know that are worthless, unlovable, and undesirable. This view of themselves makes the truth of Jesus Christ so much easier to accept. It is because they have received unconditional love for what seems like the first time. When I think of this sect of people I tend to think of the brother of the prodigal son. I try to put myself in his shoes (and it comes all to naturally). He stayed home. Worked for his father like a good boy should while his brother waisted his father's inheritance on women and fast living. When the prodigal finally returns home the father throws a party for the fool. I can see where the brother would get upset. I would be too. The only difference between the prodigal and his brother is that the prodigal realized he was worthless without his father, the brother never did. The prodigal realized he needed a savior because he couldn't get out of the filth of the pig pen on his own.
My halo has been far too tight. It needs to be loosened a bit. I have been far to consumed with myself to see that true grace was waiting for me to realize that I was sitting in a pig pen eating slop. The awesomeness of God's grace is that "nothing can ever separate you (or me) from the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus our Lord". As Manning writes,
"Are you afraid that your weakness could separate you from the love of Christ?
It can't."
"Are you afraid that your inadequacies could separate you from the love of
Christ? They can't."
"Are you afraid that your inner poverty could separate you from the love of
Christ? It can't."
"Difficult marriage, loneliness, anxiety over the children's future? They can't."
"Negative self-image? It can't."
"Economic hardship, racial hatred, street crime? They can't."
"Rejection by loved ones of the suffering of loved ones? They can't."
"Persecution by authorities, going to jail? They can't."
"Nuclear war? It can't."
"Mistakes, fears, uncertainties? They can't."
"You must be convinced of this, trust it, and never forget to remember. Everything
else will pass away, but the love of Christ is the same yesterday, today, and
forever. Faith will become vision, hope will become possessions, but the love
of Jesus Christ that is stronger than death endures forever. In the end, it is the
one thing you can hang onto." (Manning, 1990)
Reference
Manning, B. (1990). The Ragamuffin Gospel. Self Published.
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