Fear and Facebook

For the last few months I have been dealing with this fear that seems to come over me whenever I see someone get in trouble at work. For some reason I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that they got in trouble because of me. I know it sounds absurd, but this is the feeling I get every time.

I was reading in the Psalms this morning and came across a psalm that really spoke to my heart today. I love how God uses the bible to speak directly to things that we are going through in our lives. It is Psalm 27: 1-3.

“The Lord is my light and my

Salvation -

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my

life -

of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me

to devour my flesh,

when my enemies and my foes attack

me,

they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then will I be confident.”

(Psalm 27:1-3 NIV)

This week was a fairly trying week for me. Someone I work with was found to be using facebook at work in the owners office no less. Needless to say the owner came unglued. This young woman however was able to keep her job. The owner came and talked to me about this long before she confronted the situation with this young woman. When the owner started talking to me about it I got this feeling in my stomach like it was my fault and fear started to well up inside of me.

I knew that this was a lie from the evil one to bring my attitude down, and I resisted this feeling. I continually told myself that I had done nothing wrong and that it was not my fault. I found myself feeling bad for the young woman because I knew she could lose her job, but again I told myself that this was not my fault and that the young woman had made this choice on her own.

When this young woman was confronted about the use of facebook at work she immediately brought my name into the whole mess by saying that I use my cell phone to text at work which I do to communicate with my wife who is eight months pregnant.

All day yesterday I was feeling as though I was thrown under the bus for something that some else had done and until this morning I was feeling very down about the whole situation. However, God has seemed to step in and say that “you have done nothing wrong” and that He will protect me from the people who try to drag my name through the mud.

I simply need to remember that God is watching over me and through all of life He will protect me from my enemies and therefore I have no need to fear.

Where's My Advice?

This has been on my heart for some time, however because of my chaotic life I have been unable to put it down on screen till now In light of the little bundle of joy that my wife has been carrying for the past six months I wanted to share what I have been going through as a soon to be father. It seems like everywhere we go a group of women encircle Renee and ask the infamous question of “when are you due?” or “do you know what you are having?”. Then you get those well intentioned ladies who give advice about what to expect and how you can tell if it is a boy or girl.

I've never been surrounded by a group of men fawning over me and giving advice about fatherhood and what to expect. Instead I get a bunch of men saying things like “Well you know what you can kiss goodbye.” or “Way to get-ur-done!”. What is a man really suppose to go through while he is waiting in the wings for fatherhood to slap him in the face?

What I have been experiencing may be very different than most men go through, or maybe not, the men aren't talking. Here is what I have been experiencing for the last six months from a birds eye view.

When I heard that Renee was expecting I was excited, but I didn't jump up and down like I did the first time we found out we were pregnant. I was more skeptical this time because of our emotional loss of our first child when Renee was four weeks along. I didn't find it hard to contain my joy simply because we were figuratively holding our breathe.

When we reached the end of the first trimester the excitement still was not there for me, but Renee was so excited that she couldn't wait to tell our families the good news. I on the other hand kind of kept my silence about the hold thing. I was struggling inside whether this child was a good thing or not.

I started thinking about all of the things that I might miss because I would have to look after this new little baby. My mind started to spin out of control with thoughts like “am I ready?, can I provide for my family?, what if I fail as a father and my child turns out like those other bratty kids I see on a daily basis in my store?”.

I continued to entertain thoughts of fear, but nothing bugged me more than the thought of what if I have to give up the things I love because of this kid? As this piece of selfishness weighed on my mind I began to realize that there is nothing that would cause me to through this kid back like a fish. I began to grab hold of the fact that this baby was coming whether I wanted it to or not. I am going to be a father. As my minds eye picked up my jaw off the floor I brushed myself off and stood taller than I did the day before. I came to the realization that I have the chance to raise up a child not for my own, but for the benefit of the rest of the world.

This child could grow up to be the next Billy Graham, or better yet the next Christian rock star (ok, the last one was just for fun, but really). The baby in my wife's womb could be the next great thing and I won't trade the opportunity to be apart of it's beautiful life.

I wrote a short song about what I was feeling and the chorus says it all for me.

“And I can't wait to see your face. And I can't wait to hold your hand. I can't wait to be your daddy.”

Incomprehensible Grace

I love that feeling that a person gets when one is in love. Lately I have been getting that feeling when I think about God. Not that I am able to measure God's love, but simply that I can feel His love around me. But, what happens when a person stops feeling that love and turns to other things to fill that “love spot” in their hearts. For me it was turning to lust to fill the hole.

I know I have shared my story hear before, but I will refresh your memory...

I was abused at a very pivotal time in my life. This time is known as puberty. I have to say that it really messed me up in the head for a long time. Thoughts of suicide ran through my mind on what seemed like a never ending basis.

It has taken years to clean the hurt and pain out of my life from this time in my life, but with the help of friends and my wife I am on the road to healing.

The great news is that God's love is so deep, so wide, so huge, and incomprehensible, that He gave His perfect, one and only Son to murder by you and I so that we could be completely free from the sin that is in our lives. We are so blessed by the grace of God and yet so undeserving.

Wake Up Call

This morning I lead worship at church. I love leading people in worshipping the Creator of the Universe. As we finished our worship set I went and sat down by my wife. Sitting there God spoke to me. I have to say that God doesn’t always speak so clearly to me as He did this morning.

I led four very powerful songs that talked about who God is. One song about being Beautiful another about Him being mighty to save, and another about Him being a Healer. As I was sitting there in my comfy little church seat God said to me, “all of those songs are great, but you’re not living like I am all of those things”. I have to admit that I was completely cut to the quick. He is so right. After I thought about it for a few minutes it became strikingly clear to me that God was completely right. I have not been living like God is a healer, mighty to save, or beautiful. I have been living as though God is Beautiful, Mighty to Save, and a Healer on Sunday and then come Monday I go back to living my own way.

This is not to say that I live an awful life away from church, I just don’t think about God or talk to Him as much as I know He wants me to. My relationship with God has been for the most part silent over the last few weeks. Until today that is when He broke in and gave me this revelation.

It is so easy to get comfortable living own little world in my own little life that I start thinking that I can do it on my own. When the reality is that I am nothing more than dead without Christ. When I gave my life to Christ I was saying that I want this relationship with You. I am Your child and I want You to be my Father and my Friend.

This is just one more time in my life that God spoke softly into my life and woke me up to continue my relationship with Him. I was reminded today that my relationship with God is allot of work and that I need to continue to work harder than ever to keep from becoming complacent.

How Can One Love So Much

I just read my wife's last post and I have to say that I have never seen anyone with so much love. She doesn't have to say she loves the child that is growing inside of her, I can see it in her eyes. every time she feels the baby move or kick she gets this sparkle in her eyes that says "I love this little one".

I cannot help but compare the joy of pregnancy to our relationship with God. We might get a glimpse of God through an ultrasound of Him through His word. We may never see God in His whole glorious form (until heaven at least, but we can feel Him move and kick us when we need it.

I think God wants us to love Him as if we will see Him one day soon. Just like Renee lives with the expectation that she will see the little one that is inside of her we too need to live with the expectation that we will see Jesus. We should have that same kind of love for Him as a new mother has for her child.

From Renee

It feels like it’s finally hitting me. There is a life growing inside of me.

How blessed am I? That God would choose me to parent and love one of his Creations? I can’t stop looking at the little black and white picture of this sweet little baby. Every little poke and kick resonates within my heart, and love overflows.

Stand By Me

My wife and I just finished watching the classic movie Stand By Me. I have never seen the movie all the way through until today. I think it actually quickly became one of my favorite movies of all time. It is a great story of four friends that go on the hunt for a dead kid in a few towns over.

However, while the storyline was pretty good it was more the relationship between the boys that caught me in the movie. There just seemed to be an inseparable bond between the four of them.

This was a great movie for me to watch today. I just got back from spending some time with a few men from church at what we call "MAN CAMP". We spent time shooting skeet, doing a relay race, and eating five pound steaks the size of a mans head. I was not able to take part in all of the fun, I had knee surgery almost two weeks ago now and have been in an immobilizer. I was able to shoot skeet (which was awesome), but that again is not what I took away from today.

I found today that there are some amazing men in my church community. They may not look like it when their women are around, but these men love deeply and care for each other in a very deep way. They would give their life for one another. While we all talk a hard game we love each other. Kind of like the boys in "Stand By Me".

The boys talk a hard game, but their bond goes deep. This is why I love spending time with men out in the wilderness of life. It is in this time of life when boys become men and men become warriors. There are so many things that come up against men on a daily basis. For me Satan comes against me with the sin of lust. I am sure I am not the only man that falls into this trap. In fact I think if the men in our lives were honest most of them would say they struggle with some form of lust.

However, even though men fall into this trap that Satan sets up on a daily basis I can tell you that if the men in our faith communities around the world would come together and stand together and stand firm Satan would take a huge hit to his offensive. My gender needs to stand up to the sin of lust, stand firm, link arms, and fight we would see men starting to come alive in their faith. They would have a renewed hope, and they would be able to love with a relentless love.

There is something about spending time with men that makes something come alive in my soul. Something ruff and strong wells up in my bowels that gives me a strength that in seem to forget God has given me.

So to all the men reading this today, step out of your comfort zone, let go of your overwhelming urge to run away, and spend some quality time with the men in your life. Get out and go camping, just the guys, or shoot some guns together. Just do something together, that way you get to know the guy in the trenches next to you. In this way you can have his back and he can have your's. Get out there and live life together.

Frankenmuth Weekend

What a wonderful weekend this has been. My wife and I are in our home away from home, Frankenmuth, MI, to enjoy a time of relaxation and fun. We usually come here once a year to get away from the mind numbing pace of normal life. Life for us has been running at the pace of the Indy 500.

Our time here usually includes shopping for the clothing that we need for the rest of the year at Burch Run’s amazing outlet mall, but we also spend time hanging out in our hotel room just relaxing. Most of our friends and family don’t understand why we put ourselves through this preserved boredom. The simplest of reasons lies behind this trip.

We have to recuperate from the demands of life. Renee and I have learn that nothing should stand between us as a married couple and that nothing should stand between God and us. However, if we do not take time for one another we will gradually move away from God simply because we have not spent time with one another.

I realize I wrote about this same thing just a few days ago, but I write about this again because it is so important.

Now I must say I love spending this time with Renee. She is an amazing woman who I rarely get to spend quality time with. I am always reminded of the reasons why I chose to love Renee. In the setting that we are in we can relax and focus on one another with the time like we used to when we were dating.

So I need everyone to know that if you are having relationship problems with your spouse or God, simply do what Jesus did in the bible and get away from the business of life to pray and relax with the ones you love. Remember Jesus would get away with his disciples and then He would go off on His own for a while to get reacquainted with His Father.

We need to do the same. Take time to spend quality time with the ones you love and with God.

Who Am I, Really?

I as I am working today I keep thinking about my life and how I got to be who I am today. I’m not talking about the general stuff we think of when we think about who we are, but rather how I became who I really, truly, am.

I was talking to another worship leader at church the other week and I told her that I like to watch other worship leader in action so that I can lead worship the way they do. However, after thinking about this for a good while today I realized that before I started doing this watching thing I learned how to lead on my own. There were people who help me somewhat along the way, but for the most part I learned how to lead worship on my own.

After considering this matter even further I discovered that I in my own strength did not teach myself anything, but rather it was a divine teacher that taught me what I know. However, beyond simply the outward things I turned to looking inward to ask myself “who am I and how did I become who I am today”? I know that our experiences shape us into how we are, but it seems that there has to be more.

I taught myself how to play guitar, but who gave me the desire to learn? I taught myself how to play the drums, but who taught me how to keep a beat?

I am not sure that there are easy answers to these questions as some may think. Most people would say that your life experience has taught you how to do most of these things, but I’m not so sure.

I may never truly know how I learned all the things that I know and can do, but I do know that our Creator has imparted may things on us that we could never learn on our own.

So it could be simply boiled down to human nature and this is the way things are or it could be more than that. I don’t have all the answers to the mysteries of life. love and happiness, but I do know that no matter what, I am His.

You asked for a sign...

(This is the first blog post from Renee)


I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me… (excerpt from Matthew 25:31-46)

When issued this challenge last Sunday, an image of a stack of clothes came to my mind. These clothes have been sitting in a heap for a year now, gently used, and generally unused for this past year since the sizes on those tags don’t match my physical needs. Almost immediately another image flashed in my mind. A woman’s face. It wasn’t just any woman, but a woman on my street who has fallen on hard times and is unable to provide for herself those simple things we take for granted. I resolved in my heart to go home that afternoon, pack up a bag of those items (since I could readily see the sizes on the tags would work for her), and quietly hang them on her doorknob the next morning on my way to work. It was a good plan...no - a great plan, except for one minor hitch: my selfishness.

Sunday came and went. Monday and Tuesday too, and soon, it was Saturday. I had spent my week focusing on my own wants, needs, and superfluous whims that I pushed aside the one thing God asked me to do: provide clothes to the shivering. That Saturday, as I came and went from our house, running my errands – my eyes would shift ever so slightly as I drove past the woman’s house. Under my shame and embarrassment, I would take a peek at the house, hoping for a sign that God provided for the woman's needs and that He really didn’t need me this week after all. When I glanced at her front window, I found the answer to my pondering question. There, hanging on the back of a chair was a dark t-shirt with bright lettering: NEEDED YOU.

In that moment, my heart stopped.

And “then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me — you did it to me.” (Matthew 25:45)

I went home, packed a large tote overflowing with items, and thanked God for his incredible mercy. After all, I wasn’t doing this for me - or even for the woman – I was doing it for God.

There are times in my life when I simply get really impatient. I get impatient at work, home, school, church, and even with my marriage. My wife and I are so great together. We love spending quality time together. If fact for the last few weeks we have been putting our favorite t.v. shows on hold just to spend time together reading. These are some of my most treasured times with Renee. We read and then we talk a little and then we talk some more.

However, there are times when I just want to scream, not because of Renee but because of things in life that aren't going according to my timeline. Renee and I want to have kids pretty bad. We have been "trying" for the last little while to get preggers and it just doesn't seem to work. I have told many people that I "simply do not want to be 50 years old and still have kids in the house". So I'm thinking we need to get started with this baby makin' thing before its too late. Well, it simply hasn't happen yet and we are starting to get frustrated. We both know that God has a plan and that His plans are always better than our own.

I find it so hard to wait on God sometimes. It seems that He just takes His good old time and leaves me to deal with the long wait, because after all, a thousand years is like one day to God.

It has been hitting me so hard lately that God wants us to believe. I am thinking about a passage in the bible that says, "I do believe, but help me in my unbelief". That is so good. I do believe that Renee and I will have children some day, but God help me in my unbelief.

Going, Going, Gone

In the past year Renee and I have had a hard decision to make when we had to leave a church. I am not trying to say that this church is doing things wrong or unscriptural, but we did leave because of personal reasons and burnout.
Burnout is one of those things that doesn't just happen all at once, but it happens over a period of time. We helped to plant this particular church and we had a very hard time leaving, but we simply couldn't continue on with what we were going through. I loved the people at this church and still love them, but burnout is so potent that is effects every part of your life.
Around this time my wife and started fighting more and more, and we thought it was simply because we were newlyweds, but it turns out it was the burnout talking.

We finally stepped down from everything that we were doing in the church and still felt like we couldn't breathe. We finally left and took a brake from church altogether. Once we took this step we finally felt like we could breathe again.

So, how can we prevent burnout in our lives? The best way that Renee and I found was simply saying NO to some things that we didn't have time to do. The word NO sometimes can make some people upset or angry, but people should respect your "yes" just as much as they respect your "no". Also spending time with the Creator of the universe on a daily basis will help to stay burnout free.

So, to prevent burnout, just say "no" to some things.

The Crazy Life

You all may have seen the hit TLC show Jon & Kate Plus 8. Well, for the past year and a half this is what my life has felt like. In 2007 Renee and I made the choice to send me back to school. However, not just school, but also working full time. For the past year and a half I have been able to deal with the stressfulness of the work load of working full time and going to school full time. Add to the mix that we recently left one church that we helped to plant and moved to a new town with a new church and add even more to the story I am also a part time worship leader at the new church (Imagine This LLC).

Don't get me wrong I love learning and I love leading worship, but work is just one of those things that I could do without. As I have been studying the Psalms with the worship team I have found great joy in the busyness of all of this. Not because I love to be busy, but rather because I know that God is sustaining me through it.

There are some days when I want to throw in the towel on everything, but there is something that keeps saying inside me "keep going, you can do it, just a little longer". I find myself wondering what God has in store for my life. I find myself asking God on a weekly basis "is this all there is to serving you, or is there more?" and I am beginning to think there is so much more that God wants from me.

I would like to think that God finds my feeble attempts to worship Him pleasing (and I know He does), however there is another part of me that thinks "maybe I am doing it all wrong". Somewhere in the craziness of life, love, and the pursuit of happiness there is something more to live for. Maybe this is not all there is. Maybe God wants not just my praise and worship, but maybe he wants all of me; the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the light and the dark.

See I think God loves me for who I am and not who I should be. So if I come to Him in all of my brokenness He will meet me there. How awesome would it be if we could do the same for other people we come in contact with. In essence "Love them like Jesus".

So I challenge you to go out and be Jesus to someone because you may be the only Jesus they ever meet.